Mom language can be different than normal conversation. The actions of the little people running around your house bring out a whole new set of phrases for you to use every day, often on repeat. I happen to have a toddler in my home, and these are things I say every day that I can't imagine using before I became a mom.
1. Please stop hitting (or biting) me!
Why can't kids keep their hands to themselves? Whether he means it or not, my son is constantly stepping on, hitting, or biting me. I can't believe how many times I have to tell him to stop.
2. Are you poopy?
When you get a whiff of that smell (sometimes many times a day), you have to ask even if the baby can't understand the question. Definitely not something I'd ever asked someone before I became a mom.
3. Mommy's [insert any item you own] is not a toy!
Small children think everything is a toy. Even things like feminine hygiene supplies. They really don't know the difference. And telling them this every day doesn't seem to help them learn either.
4. For the love of all that is holy, please eat!
I say this at least three times a day: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My son thinks food is for playing and throwing on the floor. I'm not sure how he doesn't starve.
5. I just cleaned that.
Yep, kids make messes. And they have an innate ability to make that mess in whatever spot was last cleaned.
6. You have to put on pants before you go outside.
Children don't know the meaning of decency, and they see nothing wrong with going outside in a diaper or underwear. When they want out, they want out, no matter what they're wearing.
7. Don't put that in your mouth (or nose)!
Everything must be tasted and everything must be tested to see if it fits in any orifice. I'm not sure why small children have this fascination, but it happens all the time.
8. I don't want your fingers in my mouth.
Little kids love to put things in your mouth for you, especially their fingers. In my case, this also becomes "no, I don't want you to feed me something that has already been in your mouth." It's dirty!
9. Don't climb on me!
If you ever try to lie on the floor in my home be aware that a small child will immediately take it as a hint that you want to be climbed on and over.
10. Your toys don't go on the dinner table.
Maybe kids think their toys need to eat too, bt for some reason the table is the favored spot for toys, especially when you're about to put food there.
11. It's right there. Right in front of you. Yes, there!
I'm convinced that kids have massive blind spots in their vision. Even if whatever they are looking for is right in front of them, they still don't see it.
12. Why is my [insert something you own] in the [insert random place in your home]?
Once they learn how to move around and reach things, nothing will ever be where you left it. Maybe one day I will stop asking this question, but for now I can't help it saying it while shaking my head.
Children definitely make life a little more interesting and bring a whole new life (and vocabulary) to their mommies. And don't be surprised if one of these phrases ends up being the first sentence that comes out of a child's mouth.