If you're married, or planning on marrying their favorite child, you're already at a disadvantage with possible future in-laws. Then, being on their bad side could make the rest of your life a whole lot more difficult, so impressing them is your first priority.
Here are some totally serious and non-satirical tips to help you leave the best impression next time you see your in-laws.
1. The father-in-law will be paying attention to the roughness of your hands.
If you have soft hands, squeeze a few drops of super glue onto your palms before the handshake. Make sure to give it time to dry.
2. When asked how work is going, reply with, "Let's just say it's a piece of cake." Remove a piece of cake from your jacket pocket. In-laws enjoy bad puns.
3. If you crack a good joke, don't be afraid to give yourself a high-five.
Showing confidence is good.
4. Studies show attractive people are more likeable. Take every opportunity you can to subtly flex.
5. Speaking clearly and loudly is more memorable.
Speak a little louder than the average person. Don't break eye contact.
6. Physical contact is a sign you're comfortable around them.
Occasionally brush the back of your hand against their cheek.
7. When they ask how you're doing, say "Irrelevant. My complete and undivided attention is on you."
Make them do some talking.
8. Show that you're on more than a first name basis.
Call them by a unique nickname every time you talk. Stray more and more from their real name each time. Jim. Jay. J-dog. Jay-Z. Jay Jay. Bluejay. Birdman.
9. You want them to like you, but don't present yourself as a pushover.
Rearrange their furniture a little bit so they know you're not afraid to take control of a situation.
10. Show you can provide for both yourself and your significant other by offering everyone string cheese every few minutes.
If they refuse, procure said cheese from your pocket and eat it whole, because that's how you roll.
11. Every time your father-in-law talks about something manly, growl like Tim the Toolman Taylor.
12. Whenever either in-law mentions your significant other, catcall.
They need to know you find their son/daughter attractive.
13. Relate to them as much as you can.
For example, dress like whichever decade your in-laws grew up in.
Try these out and comment with your experiences!