A few months ago, my amazing wife, Ashley, gave birth to our fourth son! Yes, you read that correctly...FOUR boys. Please pray for my sweet wife. She is severely outnumbered. Testosterone is practically dripping from the ceilings at our house.
As I write this, I'm so tired I can barely hold my eyes open, so I apologize in advance for any typos or weirdness. I'm practically hallucinating because of the exhaustion, but our new little dude is well worth the lack of sleep!
As I've been reflecting on the whole experience, I thought I would compile a list of some important things that you really need to know before the arrival of a newborn. Whether you're preparing for your first baby, or you're an old pro, these reminders can give you perspective, and hopefully make you smile too.
Life with a newborn means...
1. You're not going to be having sex anytime soon
What's the one things worse than exhaustion? Sexual frustration! Brace yourself for both. It typically takes at least 4-6 weeks for a woman to heal after childbirth which is nature's way of tricking you into having more kids, because once you able to do it, you're way to excited to remember things like birth control.
2. Your house is going to smell like spit up (which is disgusting)
How can something so small and cute create the most putrid smells imaginable? I'm not sure, but it happens. As I write this, I'm doing my best to breathe exclusively out of my mouth.
3. You're probably going to have some grumpy moments
I'm normally a pretty friendly, laid back guy, but the combination of the factors I've already listed creates a monster my wife refers to as "BMD" (Bad Mood Dave). We tend to make poor choices when we're exhausted and grumpy, so don't let anyone talk you into a timeshare presentation or network marketing "ground floor" opportunity for awhile!
4. You're going to look like a Zombie
Google some images and clips from "The Walking Dead." That's what you're going to look like for awhile. Be thankful Zombies are trending right now. At least it is currently cool to shuffle around in a state of half life. You might even get hired as an actor for the show.
5. You're going to spend a crazy amount of money
How can something that weights less than eight pounds cost thousands of dollars? I'm not sure, but at least you get a new tax deduction out of the deal!
6. It's going to take forever to get ready to go anywhere
Walmart is approximately 3 miles from our house. If I started right now trying to get the baby ready and loaded in the car, I wouldn't be at Walmart until sometime next week.
7. You're going to have your heart stolen!
Once you make eye contact with that precious little bundle of joy, all of these little inconveniences are going to seem completely insignificant! Enjoy every minute of parenthood. It's going to fly by way too fast!
This article was originally published on Patheos. It has been republished here with permission.