Do you have a child who remembers all the answers, consistently performs at the top of their group, or is creative beyond your understanding? Or maybe, your child is not very talented naturally, but they have an inner need to succeed, and therefore drive themselves and everyone around them crazy. Maybe, as a parent, you have wondered if you tend to push your child more than necessary, regardless of their abilities. Do you find it difficult to find the line between encouraging and pushing? Do you wish you could better help your child balance achievement with happiness?

Parents need to step in and protect children from all the things that over-pressure, over-work, and over-schedule them. Parents need to set healthy boundaries between their own ambition, and the needs of their children.

Goal vs. Wish


Agoalis something that is personal. You have control over it because you can make the changes necessary to make it happen. It can be in your future. You have goals for yourself.

Awish as something that you have no control over. It depends on someone else. You can wish that your child could win the spelling bee, or the tournament, but it is really up to them whether or not that will happen.

Achievement by proxy is when a parent's need for fame, wealth, and recognition is gained through their children. A line is drawn at the point where a parent's needs start separating from the goals of the child.


take a look at your own life and distinguish between what your goals are and what you wish for your child.


talk with your child to ascertain if the path they are on is leading them to their goals. As a parent, isn't that really what we want for them?


you can effectively determine if the advancements of your child are your wishes or their goals.

It's fun to be a kid

Have you and your child forgotten that it's fun to be a kid? Has unstructured time become a waste of time? For some reason, life can get too busy to have fun anymore. Unstructured play time can be just as beneficial and educational as class, after class, after class.

  • Take time out to enjoy the simple pleasures of play.

  • Encourage them to have more human time.

  • Goof around a little.

  • Smile and laugh and play more.

They will be adults sooner than you think, and you can't go back in time to do it over again.

Love them for who they are, not what they do

No matter how hard they study, or how long they practice, or what award or competition they win (or don't win), let them know that your love is unconditional. Do not withhold your love and affection to change their behavior. Do not use your attention as a form of punishment or device for control. Make it clear that you will always be there for them and that they are loved.

Every parent wants their children to be healthy, successful, and talented. You can help them the most by differentiating between your goals and their goals, letting them have some fun, and loving them no matter what. You can encourage them to do their best, without pushing them over the edge.

Close Ad