Being asked to be a bridesmaid used to be an honor. Now? It might come with a price tag that makes you think twice about saying yes.
Just ask Vira, a 38-year-old New Yorker who recently spent nearly $5,000 to be in her friend's wedding. Between flights to New England, hotels, a required $400 bridesmaid dress, and bachelorette party costs, the bill added up fast. "I spent the equivalent of a month's rent to go to that wedding," she shared. The kicker? The couple later divorced, and she's no longer even friends with the bride.
Vira's story isn't unique. Wedding costs have spiraled out of control, and guests are feeling the squeeze. According to a 2024 Lending Tree survey, 31 percent of Americans who attended weddings in the past five years went into debt to do so. That's right—people are literally borrowing money just to watch their friends get married.
The Real Cost of Saying "I Do" (As a Guest)
The numbers are eye-opening. Bridesmaids typically spend between $1,500 and $2,500 for local weddings. But destination weddings? Try $3,000 to $5,000. And it's not just the ceremony itself. Prewedding events like bachelor parties and bridal showers are major budget busters, with 74 percent of people in debt citing these extras as part of the problem.
"It's pretty insane to spend so much money on someone's wedding with the divorce rate being what it is," Vira said, pointing out that about 40% of marriages end in divorce anyway.
Finding the Balance Between Love and Money
So what's a good friend supposed to do? According to Jack Howard, head of money and wellness at Ally Bank, it's okay to set boundaries. "It's not about saying 'no' to love, but finding balance in the ways we say 'yes,'" he explained. His advice? Maybe skip the bachelorette weekend but show up for the wedding. Or split gift costs with other guests.
Author Kara Perez learned this lesson the hard way. Faced with a $2,000 bill to attend all the events for a friend's wedding, she had an honest conversation. "I told the bride, 'Hey, I love you so much, and I'm so thrilled [that you're getting married], but I can't attend all these events,'" Perez recalled. "I said, 'Money is tight. I'll only be able to make it to the wedding.'" By being upfront, shopping at thrift stores, and splitting costs, she got her total down to $1,300—still a chunk of change, but more manageable.
The Friendship Tax
Here's the uncomfortable truth: wedding costs can strain friendships. Perez, who's been with her partner for 11 years without tying the knot, calls it a "lopsided" obligation. She's spent thousands celebrating friends' marriages, wondering if they'd do the same for her.
"As we get older, the cost of living increases—and things like friends' weddings become less of a priority," Perez noted.
The bottom line? If you're planning a wedding, remember that your guests might be stretching their budgets thin to celebrate with you. And if you're a guest feeling the pressure, know that it's okay to have honest conversations about what you can afford. Real friends will understand that love shouldn't come with a bill you can't pay.
