Cheaters may seem like brazen adulterers who are afraid of no moral law or faux pas. But believe it or not, most cheaters are actually quite scared of certain things. Some fears lead directly to cheating. Some fears lead to temptation; they are put in situations where their willpower can't possibly hold out. Here are five things most cheaters are afraid of:
1. Being cheated on
Cheaters actually have a deep-seated fear of betrayal themselves. They often feel suspicious and rejected in relationships and use this as an excuse to step out on their partners. Cheating gives philandering folks a feeling of power and control in their lives and relationships. The other person may not even know they're being cheated on. This secret life provides an escape from the anxieties and feelings of inadequacy.
2. Strong partners
Most cheaters are afraid of being alone. Contradictory by nature, a cheating mate is actually terrified of his or her partner leaving. A strong spouse who is willing to walk away and have a life outside of the relationship is a scary scenario for an adulterer. Over time, cheaters learn to sniff out weaker-willed and codependent people who will put up with their shenanigans.
Most cheaters are not emotionally willing or capable of true physical, sexual or emotional commitment to another person. A real monogamous relationship leaves them feeling stuck or trapped. There is a mental block that makes true intimacy incredibly uncomfortable and even terrifying for them. The more invested a cheater is in their partner the more power the partner has to hurt them. So rather than face fears of committing, cheaters betray trust by having other relationships.
A lot of cheaters are restless souls with a constant need for outside stimulation. Cheating feeds their desire for drama and excitement that may be missing from the everyday humdrum of real love. There's actually a chemical difference in the brains of people who have first fallen in love and those who are in deeper, long-term relationship. This chemical change can prompt some people to chase that puppy love forever, constantly switching partners to get it.
Options are a problem for cheaters. The cheater wants to be the only person their partner has but wants to have the pick of the litter when it comes to others. It's a contradiction. Seeing their partner being flirted with or subtly pursued in some way can strike insecurity and fear into the heart of a cheater. And even if their mate is completely committed, a cheater will want to make sure they have lots of other choices. If casual flirting isn't giving an adulterer what they want, they will actually stray from their spouse just to boost their ego.
No matter what the relationships is like, someone who wants to cheat will find a reason to do so. It may seem to come from a sense of entitlement, self-importance or carelessness, but a lot of cheating is based in insecurity and fear. Be vigilant and keep these reasons in mind if you suspect your relationship is headed for adulterous territory.