Are you feeling the ground starting to give way beneath your relationship? It can be scary to think you might be headed towards a breakup. Relationships ending are not uncommon, with 70 percent of heterosexual unmarried couples breaking up within the first year of dating. Before you take the leap, though, it is worth discussing with your partner if the relationship is worth saving.
Before you give up, you will want to see if your partner is thinking the same or feeling confident where the relationship currently stands. They may have problems too that they are willing to work on with you, too. Engaging in conversation will give you the data you need to make the right decision about what to do next. Here are some critical discussion topics to get you started.
What reasons do we want to break up?
This might seem like an obvious question for you and your partner to discuss, and you may have answered similar questions to friends and family that are probing into your situation. It's a meaningful conversation to have, though, because it can help point out the small issues that could be compromised on and the big problems that might need deeper conversations. Outline in bullet points or write down all the reasons you want to break up so your thoughts can get organized. It can even be a simple pros 10,000and cons list. Seeing the plan will help couples who have been back and forth between staying together or not think more clearly.
Are we bringing out the best in each other?
In healthy relationships, partners will show support and encourage growth in the other. Partners will be excited when the other achieve goals or milestones. They will show interest in their partner's hobbies even if it something they are not interested in themselves. Does this sound like you and your partner? Or, do you both pull each other down, make fun of each other's interests, and discourages growth at your own pace? If you and your partner fight regularly, you might find yourself acting out of character and acting in a way that is not your best. You should want to feel your partner is always trying to be better, and you should be doing the same.
What do we each need out of a relationship?
If you want to determine if your relationship is salvageable, you first need to figure out what each partner needs for the relationship to work. Communication issues are one of the biggest reasons relationships ends. Without it, you might be completely unaware that you are not giving your partner the extra attention they need. You also might be blaming your partner for issues they know nothing about, so, therefore, cannot fix it. If you are angry that you do not get enough quality time with them, for example, it cannot be corrected if it is never discussed.
Would either of us feel regret?
It is hard to say for sure how you will feel after a breakup until it actually happens. You can, however, try and imagine what it might feel like a few weeks, months, or years down the line. Do you think you might regret it someday? Are you afraid of walking away from someone who is a massive part of your life? If so, the fear of regret might be an indicator that the relationship is unfinished and that it is worth working on.
Are there still positive things about our relationship?
When one or both partners start thinking about breaking up, they tend to block out any good that happens on a day to day basis. They stop appreciating or acknowledging any effort that gets made to make the relationship fun or exciting again. By pausing and noticing the little things about the relationship that do make you happy, you will likely feel more inclined to work things out. Review what each partner is doing to help the relationship strengthen again and discuss if those positives help weigh out the negatives.
Is there any room for compromise?
In a perfect world, you and your partner would always be on the same page about everything. Unfortunately, that is seldom the case, and instead, a compromise must be used. Sometimes you must sacrifice a little bit to make your partner feel happy too. Through conversation, you might find that there is more room for middle ground than you thought previously. This might give you something you can work with and give your relationship hope again.
How would we handle the breakup?
If you ultimately decide that a breakup is inevitable, then preparing for how best to split is essential. You might want to discuss how you will handle social media, for example. If you also shared a group of friends, talking with them about boundaries will help ease the transition. If you share a home or having a pet, significant conversations will need to happen around that as well. Try and do your best to put a pause on your emotions and be mature when talking to them. The more you talk about what happens after the breakup, the less hurt, confusion, and shock you will feel with their actions.
Deciding if its time to let go of a relationship is never easy. With these conversations, though, you will get a clearer view of what choice is right for you. With no stone left unturned, you can feel confident in making your decision and will not face the dreaded "what ifs" in your head.