Dear reader,
A million thanks for thinking of me during your time of suffering. I would love to know exactly how to help you, but I'm not quite sure how. So, I've decided to do what I know how to do - write you a letter. I don't know if it will help you through your hard time, but I will share a very private part of my life and what I've learned with you, and I hope it will help you as well.
When I was 8 years old, my school celebrated Father's Day. We all had to make key chains with our fathers' initials on it. My problem was that I didn't know what initial to use. Not because I didn't know my father's name, but because he decided to leave my me and my mother when I was 4. If I didn't put his initials on the key chain, I wouldn't have to give it to him. That was the first time I realized that someone had broken my heart.
After eight years, (four of those years living in denial) I realized for the first time that he would never return. I realized he wouldn't be with me when I turned 15, or when I fell in love and got married. He was not with me when I had my two daughters. At that moment, I realized my life would be incomplete forever.
Nothing hurts more than being betrayed by someone you love unconditionally. You spend your life trying to pinpoint the reasons why that person decided to stop loving you, why they decided to leave your life and why they didn't give you the chance to be happy. You blame yourself, compare yourself, analyze your life and mourn your loss day after day. People say time heals broken hearts, but sometimes it feels as if there will always be an empty hole inside. And so you spend the days, the weeks, the months of your life never knowing how to overcome this heartbreak.
Dear reader, although my experience is not the same as yours, I know the pain you feel. I know the desperation you feel when you realize there's nothing you can do to erase what happened. No matter how many tears you cry or how much you pray, it doesn't change your circumstances. But in the midst of all this chaos, there is someone you've forgotten who will always be with you. You've forgotten to love the most important person in your life - you've forgotten to love yourself.
I wish I knew exactly how to help you, and how to magically ease your pain, but I don't have the wisdom to do that. All I can do is share the lessons life has taught me, and hope that at least some of my words will relieve your heartache, even if it's just for a moment.
Life has taught me...
... that betrayals are never the victim's fault. Betrayals occur because of the betrayer's selfishness.
... that those who betray don't understand anything about love.
... that no one comes to know happiness unless he/she has cried.
... that if you leave this world without ever intensely loving someone, not a minute of your life was worth it.
... that betrayals never end well, in the long or short run.
... that whoever hurts another in the name of love has never truly loved.
... that if you never forgive, you will never be completely happy again.
... that children understand the true essence of love. They take five seconds to forgive you and only one second to forget your mistakes.
... that there is nothing wrong with second chances, as long as you know that you run the risk of suffering again.
... that if you don't risk suffering, you run the risk of never winning.
... that if you forgive, you must forget or the torture will continue forever.
... that the best medicine for when the world collapses on your shoulders is to serve others.
... that friends are the best cure for the soul.
... that laughing at yourself is a healthy habit.
... that every second you invest in yourself will always be one of the best seconds of your life.
... that pride is the worst enemy of love.
... that advice is welcome, but only you know what it feels like to be in your shoes.
... the worst thing you can do is make decisions to please others over yourself.
... that no matter how much pain you feel today, tomorrow it will only be a memory.
... that no man or woman deserves your tears.
... that until you make the decision to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you will never stop suffering.
... that if you forgive and forget, love will knock on your door again.
... that this too shall pass.
This article was adapted and translated from the original, "Carta a la esposa de un hombre infiel." It was originally published on familias.com.
