I'm awake. My alarm chimes the wake up tune.
Another day, another chance to breathe, another opportunity to laugh and to smile.
My feet hit the floor, the morning chill slams me back to my reality. The, now normal, blanket of self-doubt wraps around me.
Looking in the mirror, I scrutinize the pillow lines embedded in my skin...just kidding those are my wrinkles. Real honest-to-goodness wrinkles. When did this happen?
After brushing my hair, I gather the fur ball that has gathered at my feet. How, I wonder, how do I still have hair on my head?
Putting on my clothes, I tuck and position my parts to fit into something that used to slide right on. I glance at myself in the half mirror not wanting to use the full one. I don't think anyone will notice the protruding lump oozing over the top of my jeans; my shirt is baggy enough.
I kiss my love goodbye and wonder as I walk away...Do you see me? Do you know how hard I try? I hope you think I'm pretty. I wonder sometimes. Do you still tremble at my touch? When I whisper, "I love you," does it make your heart skip? I wonder these things because you matter to me. I hope I matter to you.
Time keeps moving, so I push those thoughts aside. I have to focus on physical sustenance now...gathering my lunch for the day, which as I've gotten older, now consists of a small produce department and a palm size piece of meat. It tastes good, really.
As I step out into the cold and my breath plooms in front of my face, my thoughts seem to appear just as quickly. They race over all the kids faces. I hope they are happy. I hope they succeed today. I hope they are treated well and are treating others with thoughtfulness and compassion. I hope they are grateful for all they have. I wonder if they will be on time and if they were they able to get their homework done. I hope they're doing their best at work. I hope they are making good choices. I hope they know I love them, and I think about them throughout the day.
As quickly as they appeared they evaporate like my breath into the air. On my drive to work I converse with Heavenly Father...careful to keep my eyes open. (Not that I've ever made that mistake before. Just something to be aware of.)
As I have my daily drive with God, I am reminded of all I have and I have to be grateful for.
I'm reminded that I am enough.
I know that He is aware of me. He sees me. He knows how hard I try. I am beautiful in His eyes, and I am of worth.
By the time I get to work my self-doubt blanket has now become my cape! I am ready to conquer the stairs to the 3rd floor...another choice that I tell myself is for my own good! I fly, I use the term loosely, to my office and I sit behind my desk gasping for air.
I'm thankful for another day...another chance to breath...another opportunity to laugh and to smile. A morning in a life of a 45-year-old daughter of God! Shine today!