Relationships can be extremely difficult; and unfortunately, by the time we realize things are bad, it is sometimes too late.
Small things start to creep in, until you and your spouse are co-existing rather than being lovers. You both become a little selfish, and as the relationship starts to crumble, you can't understand why. You may not even notice it until you are past the point of returning to a happy relationship.
These changes do not happen in one day. They are the result of decisions and actions you choose to make toward your spouse every day. These changes take time, and detecting them early can save your marriage.
If your spouse uses any of the following, it could be a sign there are problems in your marriage. Please remember, none of these behaviors imply the relationship is broken. If you both have even the smallest bit of love and determination to fix things, there is hope.
1. "You're overreacting."
In the right context, this harmless sentence indicates he has lost empathy for you. When you express that you're tired, or that you've had a long day, how does he react? If he no longer listens, or he tells you you're overreacting, it's time to sit down and talk about it. Showing gratitude - and empathy when needed — for what each of you do for the other and for your children is essential for a unified marriage.
2. "I'm not interested."
According to Christian Denmon, a specialized divorce lawyer, if your husband is "no longer interested" in being with you, or in the things that are most important to you, it's one of the first signs your relationship is heading toward divorce. You must be the most important thing in the life of your husband, and vice versa. If he says he is no longer interested in something that was once important to you both, even if the phrase is just part of a discussion you are having, it needs addressing.
3. "If you had done what I said, I wouldn't have to yell."
Your husband should never lift his voice at you — and especially not because you "didn't do something he told you to do." Yelling at someone happens because of a lost connection. This is a line you and your husband should never cross. Mutual respect is a key ingredient in any human relationship. Shouting — unless the person cannot physically hear you otherwise — can never be justified.
4. "I don't want to talk about it."
Physical affection and communicating feelings between married couples are the two factors that differentiate us from other species. We are rational beings who think and then act.
When your husband won't communicate and avoids talking about conflicts within your marriage, it paralyzes growth in your relationship. Find the right time, and with gentleness and patience create a healthy environment where you can both talk.
5. "I don't have to tell you where I was."
You should not be the jailer of your husband, and he shouldn't be yours; but phrases like this imply secrecy or lack of respect.
Even when you're married, you need independence. You need to be able to breathe freely; but telling your wife where you were is not losing that freedom. In such situations it is important to talk to your husband as many times as it takes. This helps you both continue to rely on each other.
6. "I wish I'd never met you."
This is probably the most devastating phrase anyone can hear. Feeling guilty for any bad thing that has happened to him since the day he met you is a burden no one likes to carry. This phrase is usually used in a heated conversation, but it should never be taken lightly. Most people who use this phrase don't really believe you are to blame for everything bad in their life; they just use it to hurt you.
The most important thing in a marriage is to establish the rule that whatever happens, and even if love ends, you will always show respect — respect for your spouse and respect for yourself.
This article has been translated and adapted from, "Si tu esposo usa estas 6 frases, tu matrimonio está en serios problemas," which was originally published on familias.com.