Have you been married for quite a few years? Only a couple of years? Months? Maybe even days? No matter how long you have been married, what is important to one, should be important to the other.
It is normal to come home exhausted and stressed out from a long day at work. Sometimes, when you get home, you take out your stress on your beloved spouse. At these times, watch to make sure your words are kind. Here is a list of things that you never say to your husband or wife, no matter what.
Hearing these accusing words feels horrible! Can you see what you are saying to the love of your life? Your spouse supports you in times of despair, hugs you and welcomes you when no one else can? Calling the person who promised to be by your side in every hardship and decision in life, "unsupportive" is very offensive.
No one is stupid, and never, ever insult your spouse with this word. Everyone is smart enough to teach and learn. If you are teaching a new idea to your spouse, be patient and teach with love. If he or she is showing signs of difficulty in learning this new thing, be calm. Everyone has to learn things on their own time.
It's demeaning to your spouse to be called worthless. When you call someone worthless it means that they are not important and a waste of time. In the eyes of God we are all important and definitely worth it. We can all make a difference in the world, so never, ever call your spouse worthless.
Sometimes in the middle of a discussion or a problem this word will be used. What it really means is you're disoriented, unbalanced and deluded. This will hurt the heart and ears of the one that was insulted.
I'm ashamed to be with you or you embarrass me
Never say either of these things to your spouse. If this phrase passes through your mind, think of the reasons why you married your spouse and loved them in the first place. Remember these feelings and work together to keep them alive. A good relationship will bring you long term joy.
This word has a similar meaning to worthless. Everyone has a different level of learning and doing things. We are all capable of doing things. For example, every child learns to ride a bike, but we all learn at a different age and in different ways. Some take longer than others due to fear, insecurity or affinity. But, when the child overcomes these feelings, they learn quickly and without fail, they can ride a bike. We need to realize that everyone has their own way of learning something on their own time.
Your spouse wants to feel good when they are around you, so never, ever say that they are ugly. Even if their hair is messy or they are dirty after a long, exhausting day at work. These are the times when you need to praise them. These are critical times that they need such encouragement. Everyone needs to be praised. It boosts your self-esteem, and makes you feel important, especially when you are feeling down. Doesn't it feel good to hear, "You are beautiful or handsome"" even when you don't feel like it? Tomorrow is a new day, and it seems much better when you feel good about yourself.
You dress ugly
Sometimes your spouse doesn't know or understand how to dress well. It could be because of the colors, or styles. Never tell your spouse that they dress ugly. You can make suggestions to help them understand certain styles, what colors go together and what looks good on them. For example: "Those pants look really good with that other shirt you have," or, "That blue goes well with this green, because it bring out your eyes." When your spouse needs to buy new clothes, go with them and offer your opinion. When it's appropriate, praise them on their new choice in dress.
Don't whine or complain
"You do this, you do that, you say this, you say that, why didn't you do this, why don't you do that, why don't you help me?" Don't use these phrases. Your spouse will feel worthless, incapable, and that he or she doesn't live up to your expectations. Instead of saying these things, say things like, "I can't do this on my own. Can you help me?" Explain the importance of the thing in question to you, the importance that you can do this. This will solve that problem and it will be done right.
You let me down, or I expected more from you
Never say this, ever. Your spouse will feel like they can't do anything right and that you don't think highly of them or approve of them.
Even if your spouse is a little overweight, never tell them that they are fat. Instead of saying this, support them. Together, change your diet, eat healthy together and work out or exercise together. Support them in losing weight. Be on your spouse's side, even with a few extra pounds. True love doesn't depend on physical attraction, but the beauty and brightness of the soul.
When we speak badly of each other focusing on the bad we are showing our spouse that despite the great qualities that she has, the bad things are more important to you than the good things. Doing things like this will bring bad things into your relationship, it can hurt the other's feelings, and cause severe problems.
Remember, no one spouse is better than the others. We are all trying to be the best we can.
Translated and adapted by Taylor Richardson from the original article, "O que um cônjuge NUNCA deve falar para o outro" By Fernanda Ferraz.