We want to be in a loving relationship. Many of us have had points in our lives where we feel hopeless about finding the one. Then we get dressed up or download a new app and test our luck in the world of dating.

We keep trying, but what would you do if you knew that you would be alone the rest of your life? Most people would choose not to live that life. I have a couple of cousins who admitted to me that they would rather die than end up alone. This is not really a healthy way to live though.

There is more to love then just finding a person to spend the rest of your life with.

There is a problem if you are asking "What about me?" every day

Are you asking "What about me?" or "What about them?" We are a hostage of love if we want to stay with that person because we don't want to be alone. We are in love if we want to stay with the person because we love them and want them to be happy.

Being lonely is a fear many people have, but living by fear is far less satisfying than living by love.

So how do you stop being a hostage of love?

1. Be happy with who you are

You are an amazing person, and it is important to love who you are. One of the main reasons people feel like they have to be in a relationship is because they can't accept who they are, so they feel like they need others to accept them.

If you are confident in yourself, it will make it easier for you to love other people.

2. Remember that life is long

You are working on long-term solutions to build your relationships and not just wanting to win the fight that day. Don't try to pick fights or point out their flaws (imagine if they did that to you). Instead work on helping others feel loved and appreciated.

When people feel loved, they are more likely to step away from bad behaviors and less likely to give up on the relationship.

3. Spend time with others

If you are in a relationship, it's important to spend time with your sweetheart. If you are single, it's important to spend time with family and friends. Humans are not meant to live by themselves.

In order to keep yourself from becoming a hostage of love, be involved in others' lives. You will ask yourself "What about me?" much less if you are surrounded by people who need you to be part of their life.

In marriage you need to know your spouse in order to love them. People change, and it's important to stay on top of that by spending time together.

Sometimes it feels like making time for others is hard, but if you truly love people, you will see that spending time with them isn't actually a burden at all.

4. Be a safe place for your loved ones

This means you are someone your spouse can come to no matter the time or day or what the matter is about. They know you are willing to listen to anything they have to say, and they know you will never use their words against them.

Being a safe place is important because there aren't a lot of safe places left in the world. It seems there are critics on every corner. Instead of criticizing your loved ones, validate their feelings and encourage their thoughts.

It can be easy to fear being alone, but life is not really about doing the easy things. Stop being a hostage of love, accept yourself and work on building better long-term relationships.

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