Editor's Note: The article was originally published on NurturingMarriage.org. It is reprinted here with permission.

It's true - if you, as a wife, decide to make physical intimacy a bigger priority in your marriage, it will change the dynamic of your relationship in very positive ways. Not only will it mean a lot to your husband, but it will bring you closer together and deepen your commitment to each other.

Women sometimes feel like men want one thing - sex. This is not true.

What your husband really wants is for you to WANT to have sex with him, for you to ENJOY being with him and for you to INITIATE it. His deeper needs, and yours, will be met when you, as the woman, initiate a physical connection, rather than leaving it up to him all the time to see that it happens.

Ladies, I'm talking to you.

Let's be honest here. Think back to the last time you initiated sex in your marriage. I know all the excuses that are coming to your mind right now - too tired, don't need it, takes too much energy, etc., etc., etc. No one likes excuses - we all like positive results. If you are too tired, you shouldn't use that as an excuse night after night. You should decide that your physical relationship needs to be important to you, too, and not just to your husband. You should decide to take a nap, or grab your hubby by the hand earlier and start showing him affection instead of waiting until you fall into bed, half dead from exhaustion.

It's common knowledge that men are usually the ones making advances on their wives, and are usually more interested in sexual intimacy (at least more regularly). Let's change that. There are plenty of good reasons why.


1. Your husband needs to know you are crazy about him

It is super important for your husband to feel and know that he fulfills your every need - emotionally and physically. He also needs to know that the physical part of your relationship isn't one sided. Your husband doesn't want to feel like he is always the one asking for, begging for, or constantly sending the message that he wants to have sex. What your husband really wants is YOU. He needs to know that you need him, in a physical way, just like he needs you. When you show him that you want to be physically intimate with him (and often), it will let him know, in a very obvious way, that he excites you. He ignites passion within you. That feeling will make him feel more manly and more loved than he has felt in a long time.

2. Sex will become more important to you

One of the best ways for husbands and wives to express love is by having sex together. Right now, sex may be something that is enjoyable for you, but not something you think a lot about or need that often. However, when you understand it is an opportunity for you to express love to your husband, in a very practical way, it will become more important to you and will always rate high on your list of priorities. Plus, the more you choose to initiate physical intimacy, the more enjoyable, fun and fulfilling it will be for you, too - not just for your husband.

3. Intimacy will be more fulfilling for both you and your husband

Come on, being intimate is enjoyable, fun, and meaningful. That is how it is supposed to be.

When you make an effort to initiate and be completely engaged, sex becomes a much more positive and fulfilling experience for both of you. When you feel like you are really fulfilling your husband in deep ways, you will recognize how much having sex with him fulfills you.

As you and your husband both realize that you are becoming invested in that physical connection, it will send a message that you both care deeply about each other, want to help each other and want to enjoy being together. When you are excited about making love, your husband will be doubly excited about it in return.


1. Beat him to it

If your husband is always making the advances on you (You climb in bed, lights out, and he kisses you, or cuddles up to you, and you know what he wants), beat him to it! Take the lead and make advances on your husband. Make an effort to beat him to it on a regular basis.

2. Let him know that you are planning on it

When you say goodbye to your husband in the morning, give him a big fat kiss and let him know you are excited for when he comes home. Send him a text or email and remind him that you want to have some intimate time together that night. Tell him (words are important) that you enjoy being with him and love that time you have together. Talk about it. Let the expectation be known that you want to have sex more, or at least that you care about it more than you cared about it yesterday. And the reason you care about it so much now is because you care about your husband, you love him deeply and you want him to know that.

3. Show up

Get ready. If you aren't in the mood, get in the mood. Pretty yourself up a bit. Turn on some music. Smell nice. And be involved the whole time. Make this an experience about loving your husband and meeting his needs, and your needs will be met in return. You don't have to be over-the-top involved or pretend to be super passionate - just be you, but care a little more. Give a little more. Try a little harder to stay focused on him. (Don't think about your list of things that need to be done).

I'm certainly not promoting the idea that you are an object for your husband's pleasure. Rather, I'm emphasizing the importance of you seeking an intimate relationship so that you never feel that way. If you feel like you and your spouse contribute equally to the sexual relationship you share, you both feel fulfilled and connected.

So remember, what your husband really wants is for sex to be an experience that you share together, not just a one-sided quick act.

Final Thought

In all of this, please don't get overwhelmed. Your husband isn't expecting (or wanting) you to initiate physical intimacy every single night. Just try to do it on a regular basis - however the two of you choose to define that. You can do it.

Finally, it's important to remember the purpose for physical intimacy. It's a chance for you and your spouse to truly give yourselves to each other, and to trust each other completely; a time for you to show your spouse how much you love them and how much they mean to you; a time to truly be selfless.

When you decide to initiate sex more, you will find that intimacy becomes much more beautiful, unifying and fulfilling. Give it try. Your husband is sure to go crazy about it. And who knows, just in trying you may find that your thoughts, feelings, and desires for sex change in very positive ways. All to the nurturing of your marriage.

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